He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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