I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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