Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
