Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
