Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
