How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
