Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
