So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
