Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
