I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
