If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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