im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
