I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
