Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you win again, gameday.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
