I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
