The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We left an ass print on the piano.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
