I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
