One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
