Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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