Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
