It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
