The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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