They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
