Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
