we have pet lesbian snakes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I enjoy the company of your penis
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
