If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
did you just send me my own nude
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
