I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
