I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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