So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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