ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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