So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
