i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
