Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
