I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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