You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
there is glitter all over my balls
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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