My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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