Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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