It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
