I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
