you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
