I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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