Do you still have your period?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
