The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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