I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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