I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
