we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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