She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
