i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
