He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
