i just wanna soil my oats bro
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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