My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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