dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
