how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
