I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
