my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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