Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
