It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
