I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
