Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
