She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
