I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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