And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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